Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I understand Curling. That high.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
