You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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