I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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