By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
