they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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