a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
ttyl tear gas
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize