They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
