I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
