so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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