the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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