i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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