if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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