We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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