walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
