Screwed.edu
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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