By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
So many bounce houses so little time
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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