i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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