omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
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