my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize