Nicole vs. Life
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
What drink are we having for lunch?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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