bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Sober January is a disaster.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
