i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
