its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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