my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
