He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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