pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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