ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
