i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
