i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
