let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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