You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
