Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I am spending my child support on dildos
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
