I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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