I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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