dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
