I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
