I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
