Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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