You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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