he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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