the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
