I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
