Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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