Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize
