Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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