shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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