Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
