I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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