I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
