my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
