Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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