it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
