well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
