Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
