funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
