Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
