Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Apparently you make a good broom.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
