When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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