In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize