she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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