You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
