it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize