You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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