Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
