The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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