i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
