I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
