dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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