Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
